Several days ago, I randomly decided to sleepover at a friend‘s place, which led us to the following post. Most of the ideas were explored better by expert psychologists, pray read to simply get trough its nutshell.
I. There exist private and public selves for each person.
I came up to her proposing a question about whether people who pretend to be kind deserve the same merits as those who are kind. What I really meant was related to the fact that there are some people who consciously do positive deeds just for the sake of doing good whereas there are people whose nature is to make their surroundings happy. I said yes, they did, because it’s actually harder for them, trying to be kind, while the second group of people don’t need to take extra efforts and are kind unconditionally. Of course, the notion changes if one has hidden agenda, interest, or intention behind theirs pretense.
However, my friend rebutted this saying that, by nature, people do show certain level of ‘self-ness’. Colleagues or acquaintances, for instance, are only allowed to see the outer, nutshell part of your self. This merely includes your happy and organized face. At the other hand, your family or spouse have seen your dread, fear, desperation, and tears–attributes that are too personal to be shown to new individuals.
II. At which level of relationship are you?
I concluded that, there are at least three levels (she actually resolved on two):
b) friend-level-1, and
Friends-level-2 are exposed to the idea that you’re an angel without any possible negative characteristic. They are not allowed to know that you’re human with problems, neither the fact that you may be angry at one or another point. This is a level shown to people you just know, or people with whom you have political (read: hierarchical) interest. The boss or subordinate, you might mention.
Friends-level-1 are mostly misunderstood as bestfriends. It lies on a too quick assumption that if you feel comfortable enough to share thoughts and feelings, then he/she will stick with you forever. At this level of friendship, you start sharing your personal ideas and stories, the fact that you can as well be weak and stupid, for the sake of establishing a friendly relationship. The people in this level are candidates to go to friends-level-0, but in most cases, they fail to.
Friends-level-0 are those who still managed to stay after you throw your shoes at them to release your anger. Of course this is an extreme example, but the point is that people at this level have seen you at your worst. You and your imperfections. You and all the emotion, negativity, as well as furiousness over a problem. Although you might have a lot of bestfriends, I bet people on average only have one or two friends-level-0.
This article might add or change the way you see people, but always put in mind that no matter how you play it, always cherish the nowness.
Have a good day!